You stress over your wedding because you choose to stress, not because of something that has been brought upon you. Think about it. You do not need most of the stuff that brides stress themselves out over for their wedding.
I, for one, have only a few requirements for my wedding day:
- A bride
- A groom
- An officiant
- A marriage license
- And some way to keep guests fed and happy.
On the surface, most brides realize this is all you need. But it’s the details that trip them up. The dress, the hair, the makeup.
Wedding Planning and Time Management
I have discovered that it is this “keep guests happy” thing that trips up most brides. While I admire some brides’ creativity and tolerance for time consuming tasks, I just want to step back and doink them in the forehead. Especially the ones that do all of those time consuming tasks, yet write about all their wedding-related stress.
I, for one, have leisure time. I think that if you can’t get career-related work done at your job in 40 hours, then you have a serious time management problem. And because I have leisure time, I guard it carefully. In most cases, my leisure time is used to do things I enjoy (like blogging!). For instance, my fiancé and I pay for a house cleaning service because we don’t want to use our free time to clean the house, something we don’t enjoy.
I tend to think that people, generally speaking, feel like they don’t have any free time. Like it means they are less of a person if they say they have leisure time. I think that Laura Vanderkam over at 168 hours says it great. And while this post is focused on parents specifically, I think that it can also be said for brides-to-be:
… I think modern parents like to claim we have no free time because it’s a way to show how dedicated we are both to our work and our families. We also have this perception of leisure time as meaning something decadent, like a massage at a spa. So if we’re not at the spa, we think we have no free time, even though we’re spending hours parked in front of the tube or hanging out on Facebook. The fact that we don’t use our leisure time well doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
We all like to complain, but there is a big downside to this claim to have no free time. It makes young people — young women in particular — think that there is no way they can build a career and a family and still have time to sleep, exercise, volunteer, read a book, or all of the above. But you can. I hope more of us will start talking about the leisure time we do have as a way to change the conversation from one of “no time” to choosing what is a priority. I have free time. And I’m guessing you probably do too.
My name is Melissa and I have free time too!
I think that Laura’s post says a lot. By saying that we have free time during the wedding planning process, does it mean that we aren’t as dedicated to our wedding, or worse yet, our marriage? No. Of course not. Laura Vanderkam has another post that writes that $5000 could pay for either A) an engagment ring (or think wedding expenses too!), or B) about 100 nights of babysitting. Which one will help improve a marriage?
Stop the DIY Madness
Many brides-to-be complain about all this wedding stress, and yet they still cut out hundreds of circle fabric pieces to put over your DIY pudding favor jars? And you actually make paper doll cutouts for your bridesmaids (with hair to match)?
I will be the first to say it. This whole DIY business has made brides go crazy. Seriously? Just give me a book of matches as a favor and I’ll find it much more useful. I don’t want you to spend countless hours and stress over the wedding favor that you give me, or worry that I will judge you because you don’t have awesome DIY decorations at your wedding. I will not think you’re any less of a person. In fact, I’ll think that you’re more practical for focusing your time on what matters.
Focus on what is important, because, your guests aren’t really going to appreciate the hours that it took you to do stamp your amazingly renewable resource bamboo servingware or how much thought you put into sending box-size invitations
Three Options when a Stressor Presents Itself
And it’s not just spending hours on end crafting perfect DIY decor and favors that stress out brides. Another point of stress? People will always try to interfere with the couple’s plans. When that happens, You have three choices:
- Accept their advice and move on
- Ignore their advice and move on
- Lament and complain at length about how they’re interfering with your plans by trying to get you to fill in the blank [increase your guest list, have a different menu, more bridesmaids, less flowers, a bigger cake, insert other suggestions here.] Let it eat at you, bother you, dig away at your soul. Let it add mounds of stress. Let your wedding become a source of stress rather than a source of joy
Families and friends will always offer unsolicited advice. Avoid the “You’ll See” Prophesy. Don’t let others’ comments wear you down. Pick option 1 or 2 and get on with your life.
I’m not saying that I won’t stress over my wedding. I had an anxiety attack over it just a few weeks into planning, mostly fueled by how much weddings cost. But now that we have decided to eliminate as many wedding vendors as possible, including wedding caterers, we can now have the wedding WE want and not pay a dollar more than what we want. I’m not going to spend countless hours on trying to craft amazing decorations and favors. I’m not crafty. I’ve tried to be, and it’s just never stuck.
So instead, I’m going to focus my efforts on what I can do and what I am known for, (excessive planning), and just make our day as special as possible. Even if we don’t have bridesmaids newsletters.
6 comments
Again with the judgment and the dismissive attitude just because someone does something that YOU wouldn’t do. You’re a real piece of work.
I just read all four of those links you posted in the “DIY Madness” section and not a single one of those brides complained about being stressed due to their projects. For some people, crafting is a way to relax, a form of catharsis. Please stop with the judgment on things that you know absolutely nothing about.
I can definitely tell that you’re not a fan of DIY! I can see how people who don’t normally enjoy crafting, or don’t do a whole lot of projects, or just hate getting creative can get stressed out about a bunch of do-it-yourself craft projects for their wedding. However, when my husband likes to read a book or catch up on hunting shows at night, I choose to snuggle up next to him and hand-embroider the signatures from our wedding guest book quilt blocks. Is that for everybody? Heck no! But I find it very relaxing, and it was the same for all my wedding related crafts.
I hand printed 100 STD’s using my Yudu (which I made a pretty profitable side biz printing shirts with) and trimmed them during a dinner-and-a-movie date night at home with my hubbie. Along with a few dozen other very time consuming and labor-intensive wedding crafts. I guess the caveat would be for those who don’t normally like to craft don’t find an escape doing it, and end up stressing over it. I just think that everyone is different, and there are a lot of brides out there who have a ball getting friends over and having invitation assembly parties with pizza and beer. Then there are others who choose to buy ready-made invites and spend that time catching up with friends over a few drinks. To each her own!
Thanks for your comments ladies! Dana, I did not mean to imply that those particular authors in the links were stressed. But, half of them do indicate just how time consuming (one even uses the phrase maddening) the tasks were, especially that they took more time than expected.
I guess my biggest issue is that when brides-to-be do a search for wedding ideas, we’re bombarded by all these DIY ideas and that anything store-bought these days seems to be frowned up on the wedding industry, or at least portrayed as less creative. So, I just want to point out that it’s not the only way it has to be. I’m sure that crafters who like to craft, have a blast planning their wedding! But for me, a non-crafter that has tried to be crafty (for non-wedding things in the past), I started to worry that people would judge me for not having a handmade, DIY wedding. So, I just want to let other people know that there’s another way!
[…] I seem to read about are brides stressing out, freaking out, and otherwise going crazy planning their wedding. Things have been calm for […]
I loved your comments Melissa as it’s put me at ease, I too am good at planning and having an idea of what I want then getting someone else who has the skills to be creative to do that for me, I too have felt the pressure to be this amazing bride to be who can plan, bake my own bombineers, and hand craft my own wedding boquets all the while hand writing thank you notes to each guest and having polaroid pics of each guest on each place setting, and a welcome basket in each hotel room for out of towners, it’s just not me and your note was breath of fresh air. Woo 🙂
[…] of SuperNoVABride know that I have very strong feelings about wedding-related stress. First, wedding stress is almost entirely self-imposed because planning a wedding is, frankly, not that hard. I even outlined the steps we took to ensure […]