Random Wedding Thoughts

Groom Not Involved? Don’t get Married

by Melissa on February 14, 2012

Watching the Suze Orman show is a weekend ritual in our household. While I like Suze for the most part, I mentioned one of her more irksome qualities to Ken a few weeks ago.

A female caller had phoned in to The Suze Orman Show and was expressing anger and disappointment that her husband was never willing to participate in and follow the household budgeting efforts. Without skipping a beat, Suze starts asking the caller questions. And I know right where the line of questioning will lead – to a question that basically suggests that the caller should leave her husband. I’ve seen it before on her show several times.

I say to Ken, “You know, that really bothers me about Suze. She suggests divorce at the drop of a hat for the most trivial things!”  To which Ken replies, “I think Suze just realizes it is just indicative of a larger problem that will probably not get better.”

That got me thinking.

If your fiancé is not an involved partner in wedding planning efforts, should you even marry him?

I mean, after all, if your wedding is important to you, and you can’t even get him involved enough to track down addresses for invitations or help you pick out groomsmen gifts, (or whatever the complaint of the day may be) then isn’t that indicative of a bigger problem? The fact that he can’t even pretend to be interested in and excited about something that is clearly important to you? 

Maybe you shouldn’t get married.

Instead of calling into the Suze Orman show ten years from now complaining that your husband won’t follow the household budget, maybe you should just cut your losses now.

I was blessed with a very involved groom, so I can’t speak to this directly.

But what do you think? Should you even get married if getting your fiancé to contribute to the planning is like pulling teeth? Do you think that can be indicative of a larger issue? Will you face problems down the road on topics other than wedding planning?

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Crazy Week Randomness

by Melissa on August 12, 2011

Wowza, this has been a crazy week.  Work has been stretching well into my evening hours, not leaving much time to schedule posts!  But alas, here’s some random wedding-related thoughts for ya.

  • We went shopping for wedding bands for my fiance two weeks ago.  He really likes the tungsten-style rings and he saw two (one at two different stores) that he really liked.  They were in the $250-$300 range, which seemed really reasonable, but  we wanted to do some price comparisons, so we didn’t buy any right away.  Well, he came home and did some research and found that tungsten is one of the cheapest metals around. There is no way that a tungsten ring should be that much money.  The metal is so cheap, all you’re really paying for is someone to make it. A few quick searches, and he found a nearly identical tungsten wedding band on Amazon.com for $14.99.  Seriously, $14.99.  So, he ordered one to try the size, and holy shit! It’s a phenomenal looking and expensive feeling ring! He took it to work to show it to his coworkers and pulled the ever-classy “how much do you think this was?”  People almost always said in the $300-$400 range.  And, a neighbor of ours, who describes herself as a “Tiffany Jewelry Girl” said she thought the ring was around $500.  They’re all floored when we tell them that it’s $14.99.  Now, one of Ken’s coworkers said that he wouldn’t feel comfortable buying something so cheap to symbolize a marriage.  But, that kind of reasoning reminds me of the early days of wedding planning when we decided to serve picnic-style food at our wedding, and some jerkface wrote in a wedding forum “I don’t think that hot dogs and hamburgers can communicate that you’re not taking your nuptials seriously.”  And what, foodie food does represent that?  And a $500 ring will represent it better than a $14.99 ring?
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  • I have my hair and makeup trial scheduled for Sunday.  I’m excited, but I’m really at a loss for how to do my hair! I definitely want it down in some way, but I’m being very indecisive.
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  • Speaking of hair and makeup, some places charge more for hair or makeup (alone!) than I paid for my wedding dress! Luckily I found a non-wedding wire makeup artist online.  I hope she works out.  Her prices are so much more reasonable.
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  • I have determined that EBay sellers and Craigslist sellers dramatically inflate their prices for some things.  For instance, clear glass bud-vases range anywhere from $1.35-$4.00 each on Ebay (when buying in a lot of vases). The most I spent on a bud vase this weekend during some thrift store runs was 75 cents!
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  • My family is having a shower for me at the end of August in Pittsburgh.  I’m not really the type of person that does well like having to be “on” for such a long period of time.  For instance, sitting in front of a big group of people while they all watch my reaction as I open gifts.  And my family is troubling themselves so much with details about this wedding.  Asking me how I want the cake decorated when we’re not even going to have a decorated wedding cake! Or asking me about what colored napkins I want when we’re just going to have plain white paper napkins at the wedding.  The simpler, the better!  Also, just out of curiosity, how many wedding showers have you been to that men have been invited?
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  • I ordered 30 tablecloths for the tables at the wedding.  Much cheaper than renting them!  I got a shipping notification for them the other day.  51 pounds of tablecloths headed my way!  That is a lot of freakin tablecloths!

Whew.  Okay, I guess that’s about it for now.

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Sour Grapes among Brides?

by Melissa on June 21, 2011

I’ve noticed an interesting trend among bride bloggers: 

Budget Brides always say something like this: We didn’t want a big wedding with lots of expensive wedding centerpieces in an impersonal location.  We wanted to do something that was truly “us” and just invite our closest family and friends.

Platinum Brides always go something like this:  I know it’s a lot of money, but it is the most special day of our life so we wanted to invite everyone we could and make it an elaborate affair that no one would ever forget!

What if both sides are just spewing bullshit?  (I’m not saying it is, because, as a budget bride myself, I definitely wouldn’t want to trade places with a platinum bride, but, what if it was actually bullshit.  Or maybe I’m just fooling myself?)

Call it “The Grass is Always Greener” or “Sour Grapes” or whatever you want, but I wonder how many times people really believe what they’re saying.  As often as budget brides lament their DIY trials and tribulations to save money, platinum brides lament interference by their presumably wealthy parents and in-laws and say they just wish they could have a small, more intimate affair.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post.  But I guess it’s just that you should always think about what you’re annoyed with and what the alternatives are.  If it’s interference from family, just think if you were paying for it on your own, the other ups and downs you’d have to deal with.  And if you’re complaining about your recent DIY project, just remember that you could be having some huge formal affair where DIY elements would be inappropriate.

So, today’s motivational tip?  No matter what your circumstance, you’d likely be annoyed with other options too.  So, suck it up and deal.

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