Over the holidays, family members brought up my decision not to have a bridal party, explaining all the reasons I “need” bridesmaids. And these are my reasons why I’m not having one:
Why I’m not having a wedding party
- A bridal party adds several expenses to your budget. Ignoring the expenses actually incurred by individuals in the bridal party, having attendants can drive up costs of your wedding. You buy gifts for the attendants, buy flowers and boutonnieres, you increase your rehearsal dinner guest list, you may need to get a bigger limo or more transportation options, etc. The list can go on and on.
- A bridal party adds several additional decisions you have to make. Bridesmaid dresses, gifts, “will you be my bridesmaid” cards, making sure your bridesmaids get their fittings and the right type of shoes, deciding on the style of dresses, whether to go for all one color but different styles. Different colors but same style. A plain old dress they can pick out just in a certain color. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without all these decisions. So, by eliminating a bridal party element, I’ve eliminated dozens of decisions.
- One word. Or three. Drama Drama Drama. Let’s face it. Girls can be difficult. We’re whiny, bratty, and talk about people behind each other’s backs. I cannot believe how much bridal party drama is documented in wedding forums. People need to get over themselves. Ruining friendships because a maid of honor isn’t “doing her job?” Worrying about not having someone in your wedding party because you were in their wedding? Worrying about offending a family member or friend by not having them in your wedding? One of your bridesmaids can’t make it to the bridal shower or bachelorette party and causes all sorts of mayhem trying to reschedule. Seriously, I hate the thought of all that drama. No one can be offended or have to worry about ruined friendships if you have no bridesmaids.
- No matter, how much someone says they would love to be in your wedding, I think they all secretly view it as a hassle and unnecessary expense. In my opinion, I feel like I’m doing a favor for my friends by not asking them to be in our wedding. They won’t have to pay for a dress they’ll never wear again, they won’t have to pay money towards hosting a wedding shower or bachelorette party, and they won’t have to waste their time by going dress shopping and to fittings.
- Do bridesmaids really help you that much? In books that I’ve read, you’re supposed to “rely” on your Maid of Honor or bridesmaids to help you with planning. Seriously? I’m supposed to ask someone to help me tie bows on invitations or whatever the hell else I’ll be doing? Maybe I’m just a terrible friend, but I would really hate it if someone expected me to help out with something like that.
Some common counterarguments I have heard
- Who is going to get the word out about your registries or bridal showers? Who cares!? The thought of opening gifts in front of a group of shrieking women is just nauseating to me. And I find opening skanky lingerie in front of others completely tacky and inappropriate. If my family members want to host a bridal shower, then go ahead. If not, I’m fine with that. Anyway, even though you can’t put registry information on an invitation, we can put it on our wedding website and still manage to get the word out about gifts.
- Who will hold your bouquet when you exchange rings? I’ll make arrangements to ensure that I can set it down somewhere.
- Won’t your wedding pictures look weird with no bridal party? Not a concern at all.
- Won’t your friends and family be offended? I hope not. I will stress that I’m doing this to limit the drama and expense for everyone involved, including them. Wouldn’t someone consider that a favor instead of an offense?
[…] Melissa on July 11, 2011 A few months ago, I discussed the reasoning behind our decision not to have bridesmaids. Months later, I still think that has been one of our best decisions. But, we are having a ring […]